Loss, in any of it's forms, can be devastating and life alerting. I know that first hand. Many of us do.  But it doesn't always have to be the big losses that get you the most. Sometimes, it's missed opportunities. Things that were just in your grasp but you never quite got there, like a degree you never finished or a person that you fell in love with, who moved away and fell for someone else. It can feel constant. Like the chiming of metal, or the ringing of an unwelcome alarm on a day you were trying to sleep in.

You know I had you.

What can be devastating about loss is the 'what ifs'. What if your dad hadn't died, would he have been proud to see you graduate after agonising with your academic and personal struggles? What if your sister hadn't died and she made it to her 40th birthday, a day that she could have been all about her because she deserved that much at least.

You know I'm not myself when you're not around. You know I find myself when you're not around.  

Sometimes loss comes in waves, sometimes it's stagnant. Sometimes, it's screaming bloody murder into your pillow at night when no one's home. Others, it's feeling so numb you don't know if you're capable of feeling anything ever again.

I've been drinking baby, won't you come and save me? Like an angel baby, I'd let you surround me.

Loss, in itself, is strange. It creeps its' way into each of lives and manifests in different ways. We have different coping mechanisms, different levels, and pillars of support.

Crush me up into a powder, take me away like the wind. Sinking in deeper each other, this place without you is sin. 

Loss is harrowing, and it never quite leaves you.

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